Tower of Learning
by colormetheworld
Summary: FF/Tumblr Prompt Fill. Trigger for mentions of abuse.
1. Chapter 1

_Prompt: Hi, can you write something with kid!Rizzles again. The Moment makes my heart just…GAH. Anything. Anything at all. Writers choice. _

* * *

"What's your last name," Jane's dark eyes search Maura's face.

"S-smith," she replies and immediately she feels like she's sinking. Her chest gets hot, and she can't breathe right.

"Woah, hey…hey, hey, Dex…breathe."

"Doyle," Maura puffs out, falling into the older girl's arms, resting her head against Jane's chest. "My last name is Doyle." She amends, and she feels instantly better, even though she knows that Jane is going to be frustrated with her. "I'm Doyle…I'm sorry," she says preemptively, and Jane pushes her away gently, reaching out to straighten the collar on her brand new dress.

"S'okay…" she says absently, tucking a strand of golden hair behind Maura's ear, "It's okay."

But it's not. Jane's dark eyes flick up, to the door barricaded with a desk chair. "What if I can't do it off?" she asks nervously.

Jane almost smiles, "_Pull _it off, Maura," she says, "and you will be able to. We just have to think of another way around it."

Maura shudders. That Jane has used her given name, and not one of her many nicknames, makes her feel even more nervous than she already is.

"What do I say then…when they ask me?"

Jane reaches out and straightens the bow in Maura's hair. "Say…you want it to be Isles," she says after a moment of contemplation. "Say…you think that Isles is the prettiest last name you've ever heard."

Maura bites her lip, "But it's not really, Jane."

Brown eyes find hers. Firm fingers on her shoulder. "Yes it is," she says seriously, "It's the name of the people who are gonna adopt you. It's the most beautiful name you've ever heard."

Oh…well, when she looks at it that way…

"Okay," she says, and Jane smiles, which makes Maura smile too, though it fades quickly as the reality of the situation comes back to her.

"When are you going to come visit me?"

Jane stops smiling. Jane looks a little angry. Maura looks over her shoulder for the source.

"Dex," gentle voice, even though the deep chocolate eyes are serious. "I'm not going to visit you, remember? This isn't like when we were apart in The Home, or when those fucking Peterson's had you, okay? I looked up these people, and they're the best. They've got…houses, and…like…private planes and stuff."

Maura's eyes go wide, this bit of information making her forget the swear. "House- _es, _Jane? Are you sure?"

Jane nods confidently. "Yes. And they want a little girl to dress up nice and to take to parties and who's really smart and good. And that's you. They're gonna take you."

"Maybe I'm too old."

"You're nine. That's…not too old."

"You said seven was too old when I went with the Petersons."

Jane's hands curl for a moment. "…Double digits," she supplies, "it's double digits that really matter. Plus it's all about demeanor."

"I don't know that word yet."

Jane really does smile this time. "Aha! Stumped you! Finally," Maura can't even pretend to pout when Jane is looking at her like that. "Well? Go look it up and write it down, Dex. Just because you might leave today doesn't mean you have to stop playing."

Maura turns away from Jane and runs over to the book case in the corner of the room. She pulls the old, worn dictionary down onto the floor with a soft thunk.

"Carefulla your dress," Jane says, watching.

Maura nods, and flips the book open. "Duh-meen-or?"

Jane chuckles. "Dee-meen-or," she corrects, and Maura trails her hand down the page.

_Demeanor: outward behavior or bearing. "a quiet, somber demeanor" synonyms: manner, air, attitude, appearance, look. _

She reads the little definition over and over until she has it memorized, and then she hefts the dictionary back up onto the shelf and makes her way back over to Jane, who produces a little pocket notebook and the stub of a pencil out of her back pocket.

Maura flips to the first empty page, and Jane holds her hands out flat, so that she can use them as a miniature desk.

"So," Maura says, lip between her teeth in concentration, "we can't do this anymore?"

"Who says?" Jane asks.

"Well…If you're not going to visit me…"

Jane sighs, "Doesn't mean you can't do it anymore, Mo. Plus, your new parents are going to know tons of words you don't…and they're gonna send you to the best schools money can buy. No more shit hole for you."

"That's a swear, Jane," Maura says, finishing her work and stepping back.

The brunette studies the notebook for a second. "Sorry," she says absently, "Hey…you know, I can't hold on to this anymore. You're gonna have to take it."

Maura looks down at her dress, found folded this morning in the trunk at the foot of Jane's cot, like magic. "I haven't got pockets," she says sadly.

Jane pretends to look thoughtful, and then, from behind her back, from _nowhere_, she pulls a little black purse, complete with shoulder strap and little silver buckle.

Maura cries out happily. "Jane!"

The brunette grins, and it almost reaches her eyes. She holds it out and Maura takes it quickly, opening the clasp and peering inside. There's a new pencil in there, and a new little notebook, and a folded five dollar bill."

"Jane…" said reverently this time.  
"It's…it's a going away present…you know?" Jane says a little thickly, and Maura looks up as Jane looks away. "And you save that five dollars okay? And…uh…if they're mean to you. If they make you feel bad, or they do bad things at night, like the Petersons. You get away. The first time you can," Jane's voice has gone serious, and she looks back at Maura. "listening?"

The little girl nods.

"Use that five dollars and take the bus to 181st. Say it back."

"One eighty first."

"Good. If you're in trouble. You go there. And you go in the house on the corner with the picture of the dog."

"House on the corner with the picture of the dog," Maura says dutifully.

"Good."

They stand together in silence for a while, until a new thought occurs to Maura, and she looks back around.

"What about Paddy?"

Jane's face hardens. "What _about_ Paddy?" She asks darkly.

"What if he comes back for me?"

"He's in Jail, Dex."

"He could get out."

"No. He couldn't."

"Yes," Maura presses, "He could. I read in a book at the library that there is something called a pay-roll. He could get it and then he wouldn't have to stay in the prison. They would just check up on him every once in a while, to make sure he's not-"

"It's called parole, Mo, not payroll, and he has to be eligible for it…and he won't be. Not until you're grown." Jane turns away from her and opens the trunk at the foot of her cot, she roots around for a while and comes up finally with two shiny, patent leather buckle shoes.

Maura cannot be distracted. "Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"How?"

Jane runs a hand through her hair. "God, Maura, I…I just know, okay? Paddy Doyle's in jail for practically forever. He's not gonna come after you, and if he tried, I wouldn't let him." She drops the shoes on the bed and spins to grab Maura around the waist. She plops the little girl down on the bed and then kneels, so that she is a little shorter, looking up into Maura's face.  
"I wouldn't let him, Maura. You know that right?"

Maura nods. Yes. She believes that with all of her being.  
Jane will protect her. Jane knows everything.

The brunette smiles and grabs a shoe. "Good. Gimme your foot."

.

For as long as she can remember it's always been Jane and Maura.

J.C. and Point Dexter

Tag and Smalls

Brown and Goldie.

Runner and Hops.

Names upon names upon names that Jane has called them, bending down to whisper a new one in Maura's ear when no one was looking.

_You're Smalls here. And anyone messes with you, you call for Tag. You tell 'em Tag's your sister and she doesn't take no shit. _

_That's a swear Jane. _

_Say it, just the same. _

She remembers Jane was Neen when she was MoMo, and J.J. when she was Em, but always they were together. And always, Jane would find time every day to tell her she was Maura. Tell her that her name was the most important thing. That she couldn't just give it away to anyone who asked.

_You're Maura. You're Maura. You're so special and important and nice and good. Say it back. _

_I'm Maura. And you're Tag?_

_Not to you. To you I will always be Jane. No matter what. Okay?_

_I'm Maura. You're Jane… I like it. _

_…Good. Go to sleep._

Always. No matter what other people called them. It was Maura. with Jane.

As they descend the stairs into the main hall, Maura reaches instinctively for Jane's hand. The noise of the prospective parents, of the yells and shrieks of the other children, each trying to outshine the other, it makes Maura's head spin.

Jane takes her hand, but does not hold onto it. Just squeezes it and lets it go.

"I'll wait here for you," she says at the first landing, and when Maura turns to look at her, she sees that Jane's eyes are shiny.

"You're hurt!" she says, alarmed. She's only seen Jane cry once, the night she broke her ankle stealing Maura back from the Petersons, and even then she carried Maura four blocks to the shelter before letting anyone look at it. "What hurt you?"

"Shh," Jane says pulling her back, away from the view of the main hall. "No. I'm not hurt. I'm not hurt, see? I'm fine."

"It's just a meeting right?" Maura says, watching the older girl's face closely. "I'll go. I'll meet them, and then I'll come back and tell you how it went. They might not even take me…right?"

Jane's eyebrows pull together. "They're gonna take you, Maura. You're bright and pretty and they'd be fools not to. Okay?"

Maura shuffles her feet before remembering that she has new shoes. "Well, I'll at least come back to say good bye."

Jane smiles and then pulls her close, into a hug that is familiar and comforting and safe…and a little sad.

"Ja-"

"_Go_, Smalls. Don't keep them waiting."

"I'll be right back, okay?"

"Yeah. Okay. Be brilliant. Remember the things I told you."

"Okay, Jane. See you soon!"

Maura turns and takes the last flight alone, and the woman known only to her as Mrs. D beckons her towards the sitting room, looking harried.

"Maura! Goodness I looked everywhere…you look lovely, thank heavens. There are people here, asking for you by name, child. Here, come here, straighten your bow."

Maura glances back towards the stairwell. She can't see Jane from this angle, but she is comforted by the knowledge that the brunette is there, she has never _not _been there, and she is comforted by the fact that when she is done with her interview, Jane will be there, picking her nails and sitting on the landing. Waiting for her.

"Oh, Richard!" Maura turns to see a dark haired woman clasping the hand of a tall, broad shouldered man.  
"Richard, she's lovely!" The woman approaches her. "Hello, darling. You're name's Maura isn't it?"

"Yes," Maura says, and then, Jane's voice in her ear, "ma'am."

The woman beams at her. "I'm Constance Isles. My husband and I have heard a lot about you…would you like to sit down and talk to us a while?"

_Dex, what's the most important thing I ever taught you?_

_Um…to look for knowledge everywhere?_

_…Yeah…maybe…that was a good one...But, no. The most important thing is to know what opportunity looks like. The most important thing is to grab it, when it comes, alright?_

_Can't you grab for both of us, Jane?_

_….No. Not all the time. So you have to always be on the lookout for opportunity. Alright?_

_Alright. _

"Yes," Maura says, trying to smile her nicest smile. I would like that very much."

…

…

…

_"Jane? Are you sleeping?" _

_"Maura, your feet are the equivalent of polar ice caps. How could I be sleeping?" _

_"Can you take me to Paris?" _

_"What?" _

_"I read about Paris in this book in the library. Can you take me there?" _

_"I…no, Maur. I can't." _

_"Why?" _

_"Because…it's like…hundreds…It's like thousands of miles away from here." _

_"But you asked me what I wanted for my birthday..." _

_"I meant like…a new chapter book, or…some crayons, or…some new shoes. I didn't mean a trip to Paris." _

_"I-I'm sorry. I just read it and it sounded really fun, and there this…giant tower there that's pretty and I-"_

_"Jesus, Maura…don't cry. Don't cry, I'm sorry. Come here…come here. I'm sorry. I'd take you to Paris if I could. I swear."_

_"I'm sorry. I won't ask for anything again. I showed Carmen in school the book, and she said her daddy was going to take her over Christmas. I thought we could go and I could play with her there." _

_"Maur…Carmen probably…She…" _

_"Jane?" _

_"Nothing…never mind. Listen to me. Are you listening?" _

_"Yes."_

_"I can't take you to Paris for your birthday. I wish I could. But that doesn't mean you should stop asking for things, okay?"_

_"Don't stop?" _

_"No…not ever. You deserve to have everything you want. Say it back."_

_"I deserve to…" _

_"Have everything you want." _

_"Have everything I want." _

_"You're smart and kind and you're going to be great…Say it back, Maura." _

_"…how come everyone else has to call me Point Dexter." _

_"They don't __have__to, they just do…so they don't get to know your real name. They don't deserve you." _

_"But you know it." _

_"Yeah, because I'd never hurt you, or take it from you." _

_"They would?" _

_"They might…yeah, look, Maur, say it back, okay?" _

_"I'm smart and I'm going to be great." _

_"You're gonna be." _

_"I'm gonna be."_

_"Good." _

_..._

_…_

_"Jane?" _

_"Yeah?" _

_"Do I deserve your socks?" _

_. _

"You think about her often," the therapist shifts in her chair and it creaks quietly, Maura turns her head away from the window, and smiles a little sadly.

"More, now that I'm back here," she says, turning back to the window, "The other day I walked past Faneuil Hall, and…it was like I was back in time."

"You two used to go there often?"

"She was panhandling, I realize that now…but back then I thought she was the queen of that place. Clam Chowder on my Birthday…a stuffed animal…"

"She looked out for you."

Maura shakes her head, turning back, eyes wide. "She took care of me," she says firmly. "Do you understand the difference? She made sure I was fed and educated…"

"And adopted?"

Maura nods, looking down into her lap. "Yes," she says finally, "and adopted."

The therapist lets her sit with her thoughts for a moment, and then says gently, "You know, Dr. Isles, it is not your fault that you were adopted and she was not."

"I don't know that she wasn't," Maura says quickly, "I just assume…she was nearly fourteen, and, being a teenager in the foster care system is the kiss of death. And her record was far from spotless."

"She was delinquent?"

Maura fires up immediately, "She was brilliant. She was kind and gentle and funny. If she fought it was because she was fighting for me, and if she ran away, or skipped school it was because she was rescuing me from one hell hole or another. If they could have just written that in her file…"

The therapist sits back in her seat, eyebrows raised, and Maura takes a deep breath.

"I'm sorry…I'm just…"

"You feel guilty?" The therapist suggests. "You feel as though she would have been adoptable, were it not for you?"

Maura makes a noncommittal sound. "It's just being back here is so…haunting. I thought it would be different…I thought it might be like coming home. But it's not."

"You did not feel at home in London, with your mother?"

Maura almost laughs, "Nor in Brussels, or Hamburg or Paris…Oh!" The memory hits her hard enough to make her gasp.

"Doctor?"

"When I was a little girl, God…I must have been five or six…I asked her if she would take me to Paris. Like…it was just somewhere we could walk to."

"How did she respond."

"She said…" the conversation comes back to Maura fully, and she feels tears in her eyes. "She said that I deserved good things to happen to me…she said I should never stop asking for things, because I deserved them."

"Was she wrong?"

Maura shakes her head, wiping a tear away. "She deserved them too. She…she saved my life."

The therapist nods, "You mentioned last time we met that she…took you, from an abusive situation?"

"My first family placement," Maura says tonelessly. "The older brother liked to sleep with his hand inside my pajama bottoms."

"And how did Jane find you?"

She caught up with me at my new school one day…just appeared out of nowhere, and I mentioned it to her…and…I thought she was going to go crazy right there."

"She came for you that night?"

Maura nods, remember the way her bedroom window had slid open soundlessly. "That same night. Climbed the trellis up to my room. Broke her ankle falling on the way down. A hairline fracture…it must have been."

Maura looks down at her hands, knotted in her lap. "When I was younger, I used to day dream about running away and finding her." Maura almost smiles. "But then I would think about how disappointed she'd be in me, for leaving such an amazing place. She must have fixed it somehow…that they'd get me…though I can't imagine how."

"It sounds like you've been thinking about her for a long, long time. Not just since you came back to Boston."

"Yes," Maura allows this confession because she is alone, and this man is sworn to keep her confidence. "Yes, I suppose I have."

"Have you come back to find her, Dr. Isles?"

Maura looks up.

…

…

_What's the most important thing I ever told you?_

_To be true to myself no matter what._

_And?_

_That's it…you didn't say anything else. _

_Well I am now. Listening? The most important thing is to find the person who makes that truth shine bright._

_Like a lightbulb?_

_Like the sun. _

_._

181 Essex street. Maura stands outside of the little building, her heart pounding. There is a wooden sign hanging by the front steps, and when Maura walks up to it she sees, not a dog, but big block letters that read.

**_Essex Street Children's Home_**

Maura stares at the words for a long time, until the door of the house opens and a woman pokes her head out.  
"Are you Mrs. Montgomery?" a tall, tan woman with jet black hair makes Maura go weak at the knees for a split second, before she realizes that this woman is not the woman she is looking for.

"Am I- No," she says weakly. "No…I'm sorry…I…I was just looking for…" what? She lets the sentence trail off.

"Can I help you find something?" the woman says good naturedly, stepping out onto the front porch. "A lot of tourists come to the Hotel on Essex, which is really 118, not 181…"

Maura tries a smile, "No…no, I meant 181. It's just been a while since I've been here and…it's not what I remember."

The woman raises an eyebrow, "We've been here nearly a decade… How long have you been away?"

"Nearly three," Maura says, smiling. "Do you…Do you know what was here before you?"

"Sure do!" The woman says cheerfully, beckoning Maura up the stairs. Maura hesitates for a moment, and then climbs the little staircase and steps through the open door into the front hall.

It is warm and homey inside, and as Maura looks around she sees that the walls are lined with framed photographs of kids. She supposes they must be the kids from the Home, past and present.

"Here," the woman is pointing to a sign, old and wooden and hung to the right of the front door. "When our Detective got us the funding for this place, she was adamant that we put this somewhere. It means something to her…though I'm not sure what."

Maura feels like her heart has simply ceased to exist. She is looking at a painted silhouette of a dog, faded white against the brown wood.

_Lazy Dog Books_ The sign says, and then in smaller letters underneath. _Not all who wander are lost._

"Y-your detective?" she stutters. "J-Jane?"

The woman's eyes widen happily.

"Do you know her?"

…

The drive across town is endless. Maura feels like she is bursting. She wants to get out and run, just so she will be _moving_, but she forces herself to stay still in the back seat of the Cab.

Jane is across town, overseeing the construction of a second children's home.

"It's her passion…aside from police work. She's tireless. I don't know what we'd do without her."

But Maura had barely been listening. She'd lost the thread of the conversation at the words: Jane is across town.  
Jane is _across _town.

The car moves impossibly slowly. Maura closes her eyes.

What will she say?

_"Jane? Are you sleeping?" _

_"No, Maura, are you alright?" _

_"Yes." _

_"Because I can sleep on the floor if you don't want me to-"_

_"No! Don't go. Don't go…he might come in if you go." _

_"No. Jesus, no, Maura. That bastard is never going to lay a hand on you again." _

_"That's a swear, Jane." _

_"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Come here, you're shivering."_

_"I was lonely without you, Jane." _

_"I was lonely without you too, Maur." _

_"Maybe next time a family will want both of us." _

_"…Yeah…maybe. Hey. Listen…just because that Peterson boy is a…bad person, does not mean that you don't deserve a family, okay? You deserve a family. The best." _

_"I deserve a family. The best." _

_…_

_"Jane?" _

_"Mmm?" _

_"Are you crying? Are you hurt?" _

_"I'm fine. Go to sleep." _

_"Where we gonna go tomorrow?" _

_"Somewhere safe." _

_"Somewhere together?" _

_"Yeah. Somewhere together." _

….

….

There is a woman on the corner when the cab pulls up. She stands with her hand on her hips, talking animatedly to a man in a hard hat.

Maura throws too much money at the cabbie and steps out of the car, and a voice she did not ever expect to hear again, hits her squarely in the chest.

"…done last week, Tom. But that's okay. That's no big deal…I can just talk to my buddies down in building inspection. I can just make sure that you get 'Sour Dave" at every single one of your walk throughs…no big-"

"Alright! Alright, Rizzoli, Jesus. _Fine_. You win."

He turns away, and Jane turns too, towards Maura. She looks up. Their eyes meet.

Maura has spent twenty seven years convincing herself that the pursuit of knowledge, the acquiring of personal possessions, and the extensive travel of the world are the things most important in life.

She has spent twenty seven years, moving from place to place, from degree to degree, because she believed that was what Jane would want. She would want her to learn everything, do everything, experience _everything. _She'd stayed away out of fear of disappointing her best friend, the reason she was doing all these amazing things. She'd stayed away out of fear of being disappointed, or worse…devastated.

They stand there for what feels like ages, simply looking at each other. And all the things that Maura was practicing in the car. All the explanations and apologies and meaningless phrases fly directly out of her head.

Jane's eyes tell her everything she's ever needed to know. _  
_


	2. Chapter 2

_Thank you for all the wonderful comments and feedback and...it really was amazing that you guys responded to this the way you did. Here's a second part, with maybe a little more at the end for you. _

_I'm not sure if I'll continue...Definitely something to explore._

_happy reading  
tc_

* * *

_..._

_..._

"Where are we going?" Maura wraps her tiny arms around Jane's neck more securely, and peers around her head, pressing her small cheek against Jane's, her breath coming in excited puffs.

"Where are we going, Pippin?"

Jane smiles, and bounces a little to keep the child in the right position on her back.

"We're going to fly a kite," she says, "and good job remembering my new name, bug."

Maura kicks her legs out excitedly. "A kite?" she cries, "from where? Where did you find one? You don't have it now…are we going to get it?"

Maura is so excited that Jane nearly loses her balance, but she doesn't care. It's worth it to hear how happy the kid is.

"You'll see. Hey, stop wiggling or I'll drop you."

"I'll try," Maura says breathlessly, "I am very excited though, Jane. Pippin. Sorry."

They come to a street crossing, and Jane drops Maura to the ground, reaching around to take her hand. "It's okay," she says, directing Maura's attention to the blinking hand that says they can't cross. "It's mostly just at The Home that you have to remember. You can call me Jane when it's just the two of us."

Maura nods absently, all her attention focused on the crossing signal. She grips Jane's hand and swings it idly, waiting.

She'd made the name changing a game. She is unable to put words to the feeling that arises when some kid or another makes fun of her using her name.

_Jane is such a faggot_

_No one's ever going to want you, Jane. _

_Plain, Jane. _

_Stain, Jane_

_Lame Jane. _

She was unsure if that last one made her angrier because of the malice behind it, or because it didn't actually rhyme.

So she'd given herself a new name, and then, when they moved her, a new one. Over and over she recreated herself, and when the other kids made fun of Tag, it didn't pierce the inside of her quiet as hard. When Neen was a faggot, Jane was still safe, untouched.

So when Maura had come along, Jane had taught her the trick under the pretense of a game. She wanted to spare those bright hopeful eyes any sort of struggle and pain. She wanted to keep the little soul that lived inside Maura as untouched and clean as possible.

"Janie! Look! The man's here!" Maura pulls on her arm happily, pointing at the changed crossing signal, and Jane smiles down at her.

"So, what do we still have to do?" She asks. She'd been behind a mother and daughter once at a crossing, and she'd seen the mother act just this way. She'd brought the knowledge back to Maura...just another way to keep the child ready for family life.

"Look both ways!" Maura cries, exaggerating her head movements as she checks for cars. When it is apparent that no vehicle is going to run the light and strike them down, Jane allows herself to be led across the street and towards the park.

"Kite, kite, kite, kite," Maura is singing, to the tune of 'The Ants Go Marching' and Jane grins and hums along with her, trying to keep away the fear that maybe she is setting the little girl up for disappointment. True, she'd seen the kite get stuck in the tree. True, she'd seen the boys throw rocks and sticks and shoes at it, trying to knock it down, all unsuccessful. They'd then resorted to kicking and punching at each other, each yelling that the other one was to blame. And then (and isn't that always the way with spoiled rich kids) they'd lost interest, and wandered away.

But they could have returned, Jane thinks as they near the entrance to the park, and Maura tugs on her sleeve, asking to ride on her back again. The tree that was holding their kite prisoner was full of branches and did not look difficult to climb. They could have come back with an older sibling and retrieved the kite from the tree this morning. Or they could have done it themselves.

"Oh, Jay Jay I'm so excited," Maura squeals in her ear.

Jane takes a deep breath. The next corner will reveal the tree. With Maura bouncing excitedly on her back, she speeds up and rounds the corner. She takes a deep breath and looks up.

Yes.

_Yes._

There it is, blue and gold and blowing in the wind, still caught in the upper most branches of the tree in the middle of the park. Jane feels like crying, and then she feels like laughing, and then, more strongly than the other two emotions, she feels like howling.

So she does, a long dog cry to the sunny Saturday morning. And on her back, caught up in her protector's sudden joy, Maura howls too, a light, high pitched sound that blends with Jane's deep voice, and when they get to the park, Jane sets Maura down and they start to run.

Jane still howling, and Maura laughing and running behind her, trying to keep up, and it is Saturday and they are the kings of the city.

They are exultant.

.

Jane hadn't meant to take Maura under her wing. She'd been in the system since she could remember, and she found that looking out for herself was tough enough in itself. A string of bad luck and mean people made her distrustful and wary, so when she descended the stairs that morning to find a clump of kids, all crowded around something, she hadn't paid much attention.

New toys went to the younger kids, Jane didn't care, and the clothes that came in never fit, so she didn't want them.

But as she'd passed by the group of kids, she'd noticed that the form they were all huddled around was…moving.

"Hey, hey, hey kid. What's your name, kid? Where you from, kid?" One little boy, close enough to the form was poking it with his index finger and Jane had realized, with a jolt, that this was child. A new addition to The Home.

"Look at her hair," another little girl drawled, pulling on one blonde lock within reach. "Goldilocks. Is that your name?"

Jane was eight. One of the oldest, and she'd pushed her way to the middle of the group before she really knew what she was doing.

"Lay off," she'd said, shoving the closest boy hard enough to show the others she meant business.

"New Kid, Trigger," the boy had said, rubbing his shoulder. "We didn't mean anything by it."

She'd made her face as hostile as she could. "And I won't mean anything by my fist in your throat if you don't clear out."

The group had dissipated quickly then, and Jane had turned to the child, a little girl, knees pulled up to her chin and hands over her eyes.

She'd knelt down and studied her for a moment. She was small then, even for three, with pale skin and perfect blonde ringlets. Jane had found it odd that such a child, one so pretty and young, still bursting with potential, should end up here, in the throw away bin.

"Hey," she'd said quietly, reached out to pull the little girl's hands away from her face. "Hey...are you okay?"

Wide green eyes stared up at her, scared and confused. Disoriented. Jane had tried a smile, which felt weird and uncomfortable on her face. The girl had not reciprocated.

"Did those other kids scare you?"

No response.

Jane sat back on her heels, pulling her hand away from the girl's, and the green eyes had followed her every movement.

"I'm Jane," She'd smiled again. "I'm sorry those other kids scared you. They're not so bad...well, not most of them anyway. They're just loud. You don't have anything to be afraid of."

The eyes blinked and filled up with tears, and Jane had felt something in her chest tighten. She'd been this age once. Everything had seemed scary and large and too bright.

No one had helped her.

"Hey," Jane had held out her arms tentatively, and immediately the little girl had scrambled forward, settling in.

Jane made her mind up right then. "Don't worry," she'd said fiercely.

"I'll look after you."

.

At first, Jane thinks she won't be able to get the kite into the air. Maura watches her with bright, expectant eyes, as she runs back and forth, trailing the kite behind her. She thinks she might not get it up, but she puts on a burst of speed, and she thinks _please please please_ and to her utter amazement, the kite rises up. It is ten feet off the ground, fifteen, twenty, and Maura's shrieks with delight, and comes running to where Jane stands.

"I knew you could, I _knew_ you could!" she cries, and Jane smiles through her panting, and hands the little girl the string so she can feel the way the kite weaves and tugs and weaves and tugs at its tether.

Maura is six years old today. It is the age Jane was when she realized that she would be very, _very_ lucky to get adopted.

"You did it, Jane!"

Jane grins, "Of course I did," she says. "Good birthday present?"

Maura blinks up at the kite, sparkling against the sky. "The best," she says quietly.

"There's more," Jane replies. "When we get back."

"Is it a teddy? Did you get me a teddy, Jane?"

Jane pretends to look disinterested, "I dunno, I guess you're going to have to wait and see." She looks across the park to where a group of kids and adults have all gathered around a picnic table, laughing and jostling.

"You want…something to eat?" she asks, eyeing the party.

"Yes," Maura says, because Jane has taught her that pretending not to be hungry will get her killed.

"Okay," she says, glancing up at the kite again, steeling herself. "I'll be right back."

…

_"Hey mister how much for these things?" _

_"The bear is ten, the coat is seven and those little shoes…I'll give 'em to you for five." _

_"Ten for the bear? It's second hand!" _

_"It's still got the tag on it, kid. It could be sold at the store for nineteen ninety nine." _

_"I've only got fifteen." _

_"Then I guess you're gonna have to put something back, aren't ya?" _

_"Will the coat go on sale?" _

_"It's September, kid…the coat's gonna get more expensive." _

_"Can you hold it for me?" _

_"Does this look like Macy's to you?" _

_"…I need all three." _

_"Then you need to give me twenty two dollars." _

_"…Okay…I…just the bear and the shoes then…Thanks…" _

_"Hey, kid." _

_"yeah?" _

_"You come in with that little blonde girl the other week…that was you?" _

_"Yeah. That was me." _

_"The bear and the shoes…for her?" _

_"Yes, sir." _

_"…I can't give you that coat for free. Is that all you got to wear this winter?" _

_"I got another sweater to go on top of this one." _

_"Shit…look…try the consignment down on the back end of Boylston. They got cheap coats…your size and the little kid's size too." _

_"Thanks…I'll take a look." _

_"Kid!" _

_"Yeah?" _

_"You wanna buy her somethin bigger than she needs now. So she's got some room to grow in it…alright?" _

_"Yes, sir. Thank you, sir." _

_"How old are you? What's your name?" _

_"J.J., sir. I'm..uh…ten." _

_"Ten? Shit…Look I can't give you the coat for free."_

_"I know, sir. I'll try Boylston." _

_"Ten…look, you get a little older, then you come and you ask me for a job. Okay?" _

_"A job? Yes, sir! Thank you."_

_"Twelve, J.J…Thirteen. And not during school hours." _

_"Okay! Okay I will! Thank you!" _

_"Try Boylston!" _

…

…

She follows them.

She's leaning against the side of the building, watching couples go in and out, judging them by the cars they drive up in, or if the man helps the woman out of the cab when it stops out front. But this couple is not dropped off by a cab, but a dark unmarked car, whose driver springs out and jogs around to open the back door. Jane watches as the man and woman step out and onto the curb, watches as the woman pulls her coat tight around her, and then takes the man's proffered forearm. She holds her breath and crosses her fingers, and a moment later they are walking towards her, walking up to _her_ building.

The woman smiles at her, and Jane takes a deep breath.

"Spare some change, ma'am?"

The woman stops to look at her, brow creasing as she takes in Jane's torn jeans and tangled hair. The man has continued a few steps on, and now he looks back at his wife.

"Connie?" he asks.

"Richard," she says, beckoning him back without taking her eyes off Jane. "Richard come here," He walks back to them, and she reaches into his breast pocket, pulling out his wallet.

"Oh," he says disapprovingly, "Constance, don't-"

But the woman shushes him and pulls out a clean crisp _fifty dollar bill_.

"Here," she says, holding it out, and Jane looks behind her, sure that she's just accidentally walked into the middle of a business deal.  
"Constance," the man sounds disgruntled, "don't…she wouldn't even know what to-"

But Constance puts her hand up and he falls silent.

"This is for you, girl," she says more firmly. "The whole thing. Take it."

Jane stares at it a moment longer before reaching out and taking it, making sure her dirty fingernails do not come in contact with the woman's perfectly manicured ones.

Constance seems satisfied, and she turns back to her husband, who gestures her forward, and holds the door to the office open for her.

"Honestly," he says, though he sounds more affectionate than cross, "we'd better find you a child soon, or you'll abduct one off the streets. I'm not sure that was wise, Connie…"

The door swings shut on them and Jane stares at the money in her hand.

It all seems much too good to be true. That this family should be looking for a child, that they should choose this Boston office to inquire about one.

Jane shoves the money deep into the pocket of her jeans that does not contain a hole, and then she pulls the manila folder out from the back of her pants and holds it up in front of her.

For a moment, she thinks of the Petersons, and her vision gets blurry with tears of anger. She pushes them away.

That had been a mistake. Choosing them had been a mistake, and she wouldn't make it again. For a moment, all she can think of is the way it had felt when Maura had told her what was happening, and the hard, seething, tidal wave of anger that she'd worked hard to keep at bay as she leaned down to the little girl and said, _I'm coming for you…tonight. _

It had been a mistake, but she could learn from it…she _had_ learned from it. So she moves off, away from the office door and around the corner, and when she sees the man and woman, Constance and Richard come out of the building, her arms tight around a little stack of manila folders, she follows them.

"Ma'am," she calls, holding Maura's out in front of her, "Excuse me, ma'am!" Only when she is close enough to reach out and grab the man's coat does the couple turn around to look at her.

She holds out Maura's folder, and she knows that it will be the last time she ever has to do it. This is the one that will stick.

"I'm sorry," she says, holding the folder out to the woman.

"You dropped this."

…

_"Jane!" _

_"Shhh." _

_"Jane, Jane…Jane." _

_"I'm here. I got you. You're okay." _

_"How did you find me? How did you get here? Jane? Where did you come from?" _

_"They have us split by age…so I'm upstairs with the teenagers and- OW." _

_"Oh! I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Are you hurt?" _

_"I'm fine. Just don't press there." _

_"You are hurt…what happened?" _

_"Nothing that you have to worry about. I took care of it. Are you okay?" _

_"I'm scared. I was scared. Can you stay with me?" _

_"Yes." _

_"Is it allowed?" _

_"I don't really care." _

_"Okay…Jane?" _

_"Mmm." _

_"Who am I?" _

_"You're Maura. You're Maura, and you're a good, smart, bright kid, okay?" _

_"No..." _

_"Yes! I keep telling you that just because that fucking bastard of a-"_

_"No…I mean here. Who am I here, Jane? Who are you?" _

_"Oh…um…You're Pointdexter…I'm…I'm Tag." _

_"Okay." _

_"Okay?" _

_"Okay…Jane?" _

_"Yeah?" _

_"Are we going to be here a long, long time?" _

_"No. You're not. I'm gonna find you the best place. You'll see." _

_"You too, right?" _

_"…Yeah. Go to sleep." _

_"I love you, Jane." _

_"…Go to sleep, Maur." _

_…_

_…_

"Earth to Jane? Earth to Jane Rizzoli…"

"Huh?" Jane turns towards the voice, and is greeted by the half playful, half concerned eyes of Gabby Vega.

"Woah, you were really gone there for a second, Jane," she says, leaning towards concerned, "where'd you go?"

Where had she gone? She looks down and surprised for a moment to see the sign she's holding. _Lazy Dog Books_. "I…was just remembering this place…before we bought it."

"Yeah? You knew Lazy Dog Books well?"

Jane smiles, "I knew the guy who owned it. Before a bookstore it was a pawn shop…then when the neighborhood changed, he chose to change too, rather than leave."

"Where is he now?" Gabby asks, coming to stand next to Jane and look down at the sign too.

"He died," Jane says quietly, "a while ago…When I saw this place was up for sale, I just thought…you know…"

"Why not add to your already hectic life as a detective and take on the task of building a children's home?" Gabby jokes, but seeing that the usually game detective doesn't crack a smile, she sobers again.

"You know…we've been working on this project for five years now. I see more of you than I do my husband, and yet I feel like I don't know you at all."

Jane shrugs, setting the sign down, and turning towards the little building, _her _children's home. A place where kids will feel safe and warm and full. A place where no one will be scared.

"What do you want to know?" she asks now, "You know I was a system kid."

"Yeah…but your mothers and brothers…they're biological right?"

Jane nods, sighing, "Yeah…Ma gave me up when she had me…she was just a kid. Then she came looking for me when she was stable. I was nearly aged out by then…"

"Shit," Gabby says, and Jane nods. It's one of the things she likes about Gabby: She can give the factual information on something, and the woman will hear the emotional current underneath. It's the reason Jane hired her to be the director of the Essex Street Children's Home in the first place.

"So…I'll save the sign, yeah?"

No. It's stupid to save the sign. It's stupid to hold onto the past. It's stupid to hold onto something that isn't holding onto her anymore.

Someone.

"Jane?"

"Nah…you don't have to. You can throw it…I guess."

Gabby is silent for a time, watching the detective, and Jane can feel her sharp eyes on the back of her head, reading her.

"It means something special to you?"

Jane turns back, rolling her shoulders. "Girl I used to know…we came up together…she was a little younger and I…watched out for her, I guess."

"The terrible Jane Rizzoli had a soft spot? Be still my heart."

Jane rolls her eyes, but continues. "I told her if she ever got in trouble…she could come here, and Hector, that was the guy's name. He would take care of her til I came."

"She never showed up?"

"She was adopted by a really nice, really rich couple…I guess she was never in trouble."

Gabby picks up the sign, looking hard at it for a moment before saying.

"We'll keep it. It has a good message," she tilts the sign to Jane again.

"Not all who wonder are lost."

…

_"Say ma'am and sir when you talk to them." _

_"Okay, Jane." _

_"Don't fidget." _

_"Okay, Jane." _

_"Look them in the eye…and smile." _

_"__Okay_, _Jane!" _

_"Don't giggle, Maura this is serious. These people are here just for you!" _

_"How do you know?" _

_"I just…I just know." _

_"How?" _

_"I…heard them talking. Look, Maura…I…I'm gonna…I really…" _

_"I'll have my meeting and be right back, okay? I'll see you soon." _

_"…yeah. Yeah…okay." _

_"Bye, Jane." _

_"…Bye." _

_…_

The text from Gabby came twenty minutes ago, and she still can't make her heart stop racing.

**_Just put a blonde, immaculately dressed woman in a cab to your location…Definitely from out of town…definitely recognized the sign._**

Jane can hear herself yelling at Tom, can hear his grudging tone giving into her demands…but her mind is a million miles away.

It can't be.

It' can't be, can it?

She tries to remain calm. She tries to go about her business as though it is just another day. It _is_ just another day. The woman who arrives to see her will be a prospective parent…a woman looking to adopt a child and no one else.

It will not be Maura Doyle…Isles. Isles?

Doesn't matter. Jane shakes herself. It won't be her.

She'd googled Maura Isles a while ago, her curiosity getting the better of her one night after a particularly hard case that had revolved around the murder of three innocent children.

She'd found her, or rather, an article she'd written for London Science Publishing that had been featured. So Jane knew she was successful, and brilliant, and okay.

"She's okay," she remembers telling her dog that night, reaching for her beer and flopping back onto her couch. "She's okay."

Now, she sees Tom turn away from her, still looking grumpy, and she turns too, determined to go back to the precinct and get on with her day…

And there she is.

Maura is standing there, on the curb, looking at her with wide, amazed, green eyes, her mouth slightly ajar. She's dressed in a pair of pants, and a blouse that look more expensive than Jane ever imagined clothes could be. They stare at each other, and Maura's eyes well up with tears, slowly, slowly, until they spill over onto her cheeks.

She makes a noise somewhere between a sob and a laugh, she's smiling and staring at Jane and crying…but neither of them move.

Is Jane smiling? Her entire face seems to have gone numb.

_This might be a dream_, part of her whispers. _This might not be real_. But she knows it is…she knows it is.

The wind catches Maura's hair and whips it out behind her, and she puts both her hands to her head, trying to keep it under control. The movement seems to awaken something in Jane. She seems to understand that they can move, that if she doesn't move, Maura might move…away.

"Dex," she says, and her throat is so constricted that the word doesn't come out right. So she swallows hard and she says it again.

"Dex."

Maura is crying steadily now, even though she's still smiling.

"Tag," she whispers.

And then she is running. She is running and she has thrown her arms around Jane's neck, and she is crying. She is laughing sobbing hyperventilating into Jane's chest, and Jane's arms are around her.

She is there.

"Jane," she says, between her hears and her laughter and her breath. "Jane."

The brunette closes her eyes.

"Maura."


End file.
